.., this deployment can suck it!! 1wk

This week has been really hard., watching my husband walk away to the buses where they took him from us., some may see it differently i know this is his job but were never prepared for how hard it is to see them walk away,. they say everday is easier and you dont want to belive it. you just feel like your whole world just got crushed and pulled apart so how is it suposed to get easier., but its the truth (week one we kicked your ass!!) going from a wife to her husbands 13 hours diff time zone. my kids going from daddy all the time to maybe daddy gets to skype really. going from a 2 parent family to a temp single mother position idc if ppl disagree with me on that statment. I love my Kids more than i can begin to describe., from day 1 its a learning experince raising children along with mistakes made., looking back at the decisions letting them get messy when there playing bc there kids., I am not a perfect mother but i try my best to be thest best i can be. and my husband is the best father i can ever ask to be in there life. so we reallly want this deployment to go fast. i got off subject there and thats ok. I am a good mother., my kids are healthy. happy and they love me and brad. and there spoiled rotten. sounds like were doing something right. so when the army says its time to go i know its time go., i promise you brad will be the same man i am with 50-100 yrs raising our grandchildren and great grandchildren. Hes not only the father to our babys., the man of my dreams., our true hero.soldier. Hes ours! i am proud of him i dont like this deployment but i love the man in the uniform so me and his kids are waiting pateintly and proudly!

..You are not alone tonite

" she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll falldown She wants to be found The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down. "


You hear stories from wives telling you how hard it is telling there husband the father to there childREN goodbye for those 6-15 months. You see them cry for days later. and you NEVER know what they are going through until you have to tell your own "see you later" I will never ever take my husband for granit. Never taking the extra hands with the kids. I will miss his laughter. The way he can make me smile when i am so beyond pissed. watching him play with our babys. I never thought i would cry so hard besides being in his arms with his bags packed and the buses to take him off behind us with him telling me how much he loved me when i had tears falling onto his Uniform. and watching dakota ask to go bye bye with daddy and cry:( i never thought i would stop crying once i started i had my arms around him begging him not to leave ( all this was in my head) i didnt want to make it any harder. but still there are moments when i just break down and cry when i see the piles of laudry thats his just laying there it still smeels like Him. or watching a show and looking over and hes not there., I miss everything about him being in my house...I miss the way he slept or how i would take the blankets so hed just cuddle with me. You never know how you would feel if your world would fall apart but i can say right now i am pretty close to that emotion. my heart has been broken since he left and my world has fallen a lil thank god for dakota and troy bc they are being glue holding me togother and keeping me strong i love my kids more than anyhing else. If it were for them my house would be so quiet and still they keep Mommy Going. and Keep me hearing laughings and pitter patters in my house. its just amamzing. being a military wife is heartbreaking but i love my soldier and i will stand beside him for as long as i can stand! then ill just be in a wheelchair babe!
I have much more to say., but im miss-spelling so and im crying thinking about it. BUt just know i LOVE ANDMISS YOU EVERYDAY BRAD!!This deployment will be over before we know it so its ok to cry ., but in a meesly 12 months were all smiles bc youll be in my arms