.., this deployment can suck it!! 1wk

This week has been really hard., watching my husband walk away to the buses where they took him from us., some may see it differently i know this is his job but were never prepared for how hard it is to see them walk away,. they say everday is easier and you dont want to belive it. you just feel like your whole world just got crushed and pulled apart so how is it suposed to get easier., but its the truth (week one we kicked your ass!!) going from a wife to her husbands 13 hours diff time zone. my kids going from daddy all the time to maybe daddy gets to skype really. going from a 2 parent family to a temp single mother position idc if ppl disagree with me on that statment. I love my Kids more than i can begin to describe., from day 1 its a learning experince raising children along with mistakes made., looking back at the decisions letting them get messy when there playing bc there kids., I am not a perfect mother but i try my best to be thest best i can be. and my husband is the best father i can ever ask to be in there life. so we reallly want this deployment to go fast. i got off subject there and thats ok. I am a good mother., my kids are healthy. happy and they love me and brad. and there spoiled rotten. sounds like were doing something right. so when the army says its time to go i know its time go., i promise you brad will be the same man i am with 50-100 yrs raising our grandchildren and great grandchildren. Hes not only the father to our babys., the man of my dreams., our true hero.soldier. Hes ours! i am proud of him i dont like this deployment but i love the man in the uniform so me and his kids are waiting pateintly and proudly!

..You are not alone tonite

" she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down So stand in the rain Stand your ground Stand up when it's all crashing down You stand through the pain You won't drown And one day, whats lost can be found You stand in the rain She won't make a sound
Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll falldown She wants to be found The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down. "


You hear stories from wives telling you how hard it is telling there husband the father to there childREN goodbye for those 6-15 months. You see them cry for days later. and you NEVER know what they are going through until you have to tell your own "see you later" I will never ever take my husband for granit. Never taking the extra hands with the kids. I will miss his laughter. The way he can make me smile when i am so beyond pissed. watching him play with our babys. I never thought i would cry so hard besides being in his arms with his bags packed and the buses to take him off behind us with him telling me how much he loved me when i had tears falling onto his Uniform. and watching dakota ask to go bye bye with daddy and cry:( i never thought i would stop crying once i started i had my arms around him begging him not to leave ( all this was in my head) i didnt want to make it any harder. but still there are moments when i just break down and cry when i see the piles of laudry thats his just laying there it still smeels like Him. or watching a show and looking over and hes not there., I miss everything about him being in my house...I miss the way he slept or how i would take the blankets so hed just cuddle with me. You never know how you would feel if your world would fall apart but i can say right now i am pretty close to that emotion. my heart has been broken since he left and my world has fallen a lil thank god for dakota and troy bc they are being glue holding me togother and keeping me strong i love my kids more than anyhing else. If it were for them my house would be so quiet and still they keep Mommy Going. and Keep me hearing laughings and pitter patters in my house. its just amamzing. being a military wife is heartbreaking but i love my soldier and i will stand beside him for as long as i can stand! then ill just be in a wheelchair babe!
I have much more to say., but im miss-spelling so and im crying thinking about it. BUt just know i LOVE ANDMISS YOU EVERYDAY BRAD!!This deployment will be over before we know it so its ok to cry ., but in a meesly 12 months were all smiles bc youll be in my arms

....due date

So today was date nite and it was very much needed with the stress of this deployment we needed a break ., we went out to eat and then a movie and it was nice to laugh and cuddle like we were dating again ., he gives me butterflies when i dont think its possible to still have them he does. i love my husband more than i could ever put into words., we annoy the crap out of eachother at times., but most of the time we dont even act like weve been togother for 5 yrs we just love eachothers company and blah ., were still head over heels for eachother and im proud of that., im proud hes my best friend still., im proud hes helped me become who i am today., i am honoroed to be his wife.
haley said the boys were perfect for her (idk if she was lying or not haha) but im glad they were bc they are a handful i know there not perfect angles but i love my kids withevery thing my heart and soul have to offer., gah! when dakota tells me he loves me talk about my heart melting when troy gives me hugs ahhh love., now they are daddys boys so i know this deployment will be hard on them., but with the great friensd ive been making and have made here i know i can make this easy for them., i have so many plans for them as much as they love there daddy they love there momma too:) so call me crazy but with brad leaving soon its very hard to get in the holiday spirit i have decided not to go crazy on decorations like i do sometimes., so a tree and stockings and ill call it even, call me a bad idc i am still going to make this a GREAT christmas for the boys and myself. its not the deoc that makes the holiday!!



did i mention that i am grateful not to have any drama in my life right now., i have meet some amazing new friends latley its going to make this deployment much easier to have such a great support system.

..New friends

Troy.Brad.dakota.Mommy
So with the hubs leaving too soon., i am started to enjoy playgroups and meeting new ppl in my kids range makes the stress of being alone so much more better., it was very hard for me to feel like the only one here who isnt going to have her hubs but now that i am putting myself out there to meet people i know im not alone which is a great feeling and with some of the great ppl here i know this deployment will go so fast., But i will not let myself get into that drama scene anymore., so i will not tolerate it., No trashy drama for this momma. :)

Ps i love my husbad dearly and thanks to my friend haley i get a date nite with him on our last weekend togother she has no clue how much i love her right now., words do not begin to describe how much i love this girl. enough to trust her with my babys and thats alot. she is so awesome. Her hubs is coming home soon and alothough im sad about myne leaving i am trulllllly so happy for you haley you deserve it!!


My kids are my world tattoed or not I love them it doesnt define me as a mother:)


My lil helper


He takes my breathe away

..Latley.,

I havent wrote in awhile., seems like a good time to get some things off my chest., latley its been really hard preparing for this deployment which comes up very soon:( I keep tellin myself i am ok., but i know i am lying to myself.., as it gets closer to the day things seem to keep going wrong., Ppl around me are dropping like flys possibly this is all my fault but i highly doubt this. I am not the most easy person to get along with i can be bitchy i know., but i am a good person who means well., I make mistakes really who doesnt? there is no such thing as perfect., since when did someone have to be? Or maybe i attract the wrong kinda friends., Im not totally sure on this bc i love some of them to pieces...So really im not sure whats going on. I do not go around with my nose in the air., or acting better than everyone. when did we all become so unforgiving.?? werent we raised to forgive...maybe i can be to unforgiving ., but i always think being the bigger person and forgiving someone is way easier than being hateful towards them.




Seems like everyone and there mother is doing photography Now days lol., I do love photography i love every single ounce of it., But i am feeling so Un-inspired latley. Sometimes people have a way of making you feel not good enough., or maybe your not doing it the "right" way.I do however get more posotive than negative., I am wondering when it became a competion to see who was the best., This isnt a finish line it doesnt matter who wins., Go out to your shoot and capture the memorys all that matters is what you and your "clients" think. Maybe its time to take a lil break and get re-inspired., or maybe ppl will stop tryin to tear me down (like i dont have enough on my plate)




Today at the park ( a place for kids to play Nicely) this lil boy hit my son in the mouth with a life siber thingy (star wars i belive) anywhos., after poking him in the butt., ya...my friend told him to stop and that he could hurt him., and His mother said he didnt do anything wrong., and i was not mother like bc of my tat on my neck ( when does a tat define you as a mother) i told her that her child hit my 3 yr old., she validated that by saying he was 4. and i went on to say that i would of thought a 4 yr old would know better., but i guess not.., then i was told to toughen up my 3yr old...really!! anywhos lots of things were said. point is if i was a bad mom my kid would of been the one hitting., something to think about!!

...ying&yang

So today was a Great til untill., Ya you know where im going with this one right.! I had a great day with the hubs and kiddos! we went and got a new lens for momma..and toys for the boys..(speakin of which i need to go x.mas shopping) anywhos got the stuff to put the system in the car which was exciting for bradley haha he was like a kid at christmas..., went to the mall had some great food (moes to be exact)..Then got home checked my email and BOOM!! it was bad i am pretty sure i will never do a contest with my photography again...haha! O well its ok its all done now!!Someone make fake profiles to win a contest and i have well over 100 comments on my page of ppl arguing about this..and i sat there like a bug on a windshield while texting my dear friend haley not knowing how to handle this.. but i did! and leave is almost over and time for the hubs to go back to work., so i am thinking and prayin that well go to the beach tomorrow so please sunshine!! I love beach days so Relaxing and great family time...( hawaii tan woot) anywhos i am lovin my new lens..

..strong silent type.!

I had a great day today. soaked up the beach with some great ppl and the sun was out yay (its been rainy). I am still waiting to see some of the infamous waves.., but yet to find one. I am now on the look for a new lens for my camera just not to sure which one i want., its a never ending thing so i guess ill have to own a bunch:).. troy took some more steps today which was amamzing., but made me realize that brad will be missing so much i guess thats why we have internet.skype. and video cameras. I am still pondering the holidays but i know if i let me self get over whelmed with all this stress i will not be making any holiday very fun and ive always said since we are a military family mommy has to make the best of everything for the boys. bc i can handle the stress so they dont need to see me weak. I am there hero after all!! and they are my lil heros and insperations..., brad has always been really strong about everything thats going on. ( and thats been alot) he was playin with the boys and looked at me and said how much he is going to miss them and i swear for me the whole world paused all the stress and fears and idk just everything went away for a spilt second. I am so proud of my husband. He is an amamzing person and father. i am truly blessed to have him in my life!! ..i stand behind my husband 100%!